HASH SHIT

SUNDAY 10^TH OF FEBRUARY

Run 1571

Scribe: Fiery Twat

HARES FIERY TWAT aided and abetted by ABSOLUTE …..luckily I spelt this correctly as it can often transform itself into various offensive words that should not be used in polite company….or at the Australian Embassy, which is not quite the same.

VENUE sort of Kakia Thalassa……although the top of a horsebox ramp if we are taking the real start point….

Badly chosen weather or co-hare meant we were looking at apocalyptic weather forecasts of hurricane force north winds and driving rain. My advice is keep away from the family of Absolute and her hasher brother Beat the Meat Pete if you are looking for a sunny breeze swept Spring day for a Hash….  Abso has the chance to prove me wrong by setting her own trail in balmy conditions later in the year?

So we tried to gather together and form an orderly circle but the wind literally was lifting us off our feet and buffeting us in all directions as I tried to outline the  ‘Magical Mystery Tour’ Hash.

Peripatetic might be another term for it, as we had decided to set an A to B straight line Hash over the mountain behind K Thalassa….and what better way to arrange to transport us to the start, A, over the horizon, than to get a nice horsebox that was actually a converted police prison truck to pull up next to the circle and lower its ramp….so waving my magic wand ‘TADA!!’ there it was ! Rocking and swaying like a galleon adrift we herded the running hashers into the back and packed the walkers into the cupboard behind the driving compartment and I climbed up front to direct Angie our driver and enjoyed the full blast of the heater to warm my cockles before the off. Finally a positive reward for being a hare for the AHHH.

Angie complained that the truck couldn’t pull the weight up the hill but luckily we stopped to let Hamish and KumKwik out at the turning to the Monastery which was a great relief…..Bouboulina joined them and headed off into the wind with a map……yes a real map…..so we never expected to see them again.

So off we went again and I kept reminding Angie not to drive too quick and mind out for the bumps but she went hell for leather saying it didn’t matter as we would not be able to hear any screaming or abuse from the incarcerated hashers. God knows what went on in there in the dark….perhaps one of the prisoners would like to write  their kiss and tell story to be added here??.......no…..okay then I didn’t want to know anyway!

20 minutes later we screeched to a halt and dropped the ramp and allowed the dazed hashers to tumble out with no idea as to where they were, nor where they were headed…..power at last….no short cutting, no Bookmaker and Mountain Goat pottering off to do their own trail….no I had them all in the palm of my hand….they had to follow the trail that ABO and I had carefully set on the Friday morning……oops slight problem of constant downpour in the intervening 48 hours …..oh well nevermind we found an occasional blob of flour turned to dough and nicely coated in mud along the way…..

We had a number of Fs…..one of which at least still could be seen. We had a number of checks which seemed to have weathered better…..shame that the trail after the checks were a little less findable…..and we climbed up through fabulous forest scenery with views over endless mountains and finally Porto Rafti came into view….that frightened the pack a bit as they realised that although we could see the sea….it wasn’t the right bit and anyway it was an awfully long way away……Luckily we had Zak and Chief to keep us entertained and hoarse as we called and called them ‘On Back’ from various sheep and goat worrying activities….with no effect whatsoever. It did however take our minds off the interminable uphill and windchill of -17 degrees.

We finally reached the plateau where we could gaze down to the right piece of sea…..which is when it all went pear shaped…….  Zak had gone AWOL and something needed to be done….decisions to be made, search and rescue parties organised, possibly Sea King helicopters brought in to scour the coastline…..so where did all the front runners go…..ahashing and pissed off toute suite with Bookmaker and Mountain Goat leading Mr Boneyparts astray. We then got organised and split up with those left to search, Abo left to hold the check, Prickly Bush, Love Bug and Bones to search ‘On Back’ and Richard and Myrto left holding  Chief on the On Down to the cars and I set off to get to a vehicle and mobile phone asap….I didn’t know Zak doesn’t have his own kinito so he wouldn’t have answered anyway.

 In the melee that resulted Cook the Fook got separated and came home down a cliff and the rest of us ran the gorgeous ON INN into the tornado that hit us as we scrambled to the bottom track. Now this shaggy dog story could go on a long time about who saw Zak but couldn’t catch him, who was picked up to join the mobile search and who just went ON INN circled up, drank beer and pissed off to the taverna……you can probably guess who the various characters were….so make it up as you like from here.

The Finale was happy ever after as Zak was reunited with his doting parents  and 18 of us squashed into our favourite souvlaki joint and with bright red cheeks and legs drank our DIOs out of the wind and the rain.

ON ON to the most debauched Hash of the year….yep you got it….red dress run time again, care of Rim Job and some shopping trolleys, somewhere in and around Kiffisias station. God help the rich and famous and their Sunday morning promenade!