Run: 1517

Date: 11 February 2007

Location: Melissia

Hare: S4S

Scribe: Budwanker

<<< Budwanker at the Champagne stop

“The Red Dress Run, or, The Guns of Navarone in Drag”

This year's traditional Red Dress Run was held in lovely Melissia the Sunday before Valentine’s Day, and, in addition to the normal festiveness that normally accompanies men in Red Dresses running through the streets, turned into an unintended tribute to Hollywood.  Hashers, dressed in their Red Dress finest, gathered at a closed Lidle supermarket.  The rain was pouring down and hashers huddled under the roof wondering how this run was going to happen.  Then Fair Cup, the R.A., stepped forward, taking his cue from some right-wing gun nut in the Ten Commandments he commanded the water to part and, lo and behold, the rain stopped!  Off the hashers went, Greeks honked, whistled, chuckled, and looked like they had one too many Ouzos the night before as the hashers ran by. 

Then things turned really bizarre, taking his motivation from “The Guns of Navarone” where a group of Brits, Yanks, and Greeks had to scale a cliff on a Greek island S4S’s trail led over a stream and up a hill via a rope.  In every Hollywood war blockbuster a brash young rookie fails to listen to those with more experience and pays the ultimate price, in this case new hasher Andrew didn’t hike up his dress when trying to jump the stream and in he went.  Another hasher, Black Mamba, failed to adjust to his new, and rather impressive, chest and tumbled down the hill.  Most hashers scaled the mountain to the top.  Things then went from a 1960’s military film to a bad 1980’s horror movie as hashers found themselves wandering the grounds of a mental hospital trying to find a way out as the guards, seeing a bunch of people wandering around dressed like streetwalkers, figured a mass breakout was underway and gave chase.  The escaped inmates, err hashers finally found a hole in the fence and was unleashed on the unsuspecting populace.  Finally, the objective of the quest!  No, not the Holy Grail, the champagne stop.

Then it was back to the start, where, taking a cue from another movie starting the above mentioned right-wing gun nut, the Ben Hur chariot race was recreated using shopping carts in the Lidle parking lot.  The race was won by UtB pushing Fair Cop, coming in just ahead S4S pushing Sore Ass, and the Strawberry Pimp pushing Clitoria.  Then it was time for the circle, which was led off by a down-down for Coke Dealer for complaining about how long the circle was even before it started.  Many hashers did a vertical pole dance while called into circles.  Andrew was recognized as a Virgin Hasher and Cock’s Tail for her return from the Fatherland.  Sex on trail down-downs were awarded to UtB/Sore Ass and Scarlet Pimp/Clitoria.  Then the much anticipated Miss and Mrs Red Dress Awards were given out.  The first problem was finding a judge who wasn’t shagging one of the contestants.  This was solved by appointing Andrew, who hadn’t been around long enough to shag anybody, and Cock’s Tail, who had been gone for several months.  Miss Red Dress went to Sore Ass, largely for her set of suggestive knickers, Mrs Red Dress went to Black Mamba (see above re: impressive chest).  Finally the circle ended and it was off to Taverna.

No good Hollywood film ends without a twist however.  On the way home Fair Cop and Wet Dream, in all their Red Dress glory, stopped to pick up and unsuspecting hitch hiker, who got in the car and looked in horror at who had picked him up……..

Next week it’s another run in Melissia for the Clean Monday kite run!