HASH SHIT

2^ND PART OF THE WEEKLY SERIAL OF FLOWERY TW*T AND THE GOBLET OF BEER

RUN NUMBER….DUNNO BUT IT ENDS IN 69

VENUE.... WOODS OF VARIBOBI

HARE...... MR’ watch out for that hole’ MOUNTAIN GOAT

Back to the old stomping grounds of Varibobi….it is a wonder that there is a spare blade of grass not covered in blue up here!

We gathered in the usual clearing except we cannot get in the clearing any more with the cars. Such a shame, as we used to have such fun ensuring everyone scraped the underside of their car either on the way in or out…..never mind we will have to invent other futile activities to batter hash cars now that the infamous Varibobi drop and Halima ‘ I can belly dance on any car I want’ both seem to be traditions of the past.

We were a select bunch of front running bastards plus 2 visitors, a returnee, and a hash virgin. Pop Up took immediate control and said we wouldn’t waste time welcoming everyone before the run, as there was a good possibility that we wouldn’t have to welcome ‘em all after the run if MG served up his usual hash ……

MG introduced his HASH and gave an excellent piece of advice….’don’t follow the Bookmaker ‘ as the trail had been especially designed to make sure Bookie couldn’t guess the route….so off we went.

It was a longer than average trail with a couple of quirky back checks and our Scottish visitor seemed to have been given a map beforehand as he guessed every check right…showing the rest of us up as a bunch of stupid bastards. He was particularly impressed with the scenery, which he said was spectacular and reminded him of his highland home of Glen Coe….except he missed the frozen bodies of the betrayed clan dotting the hillside…..it was then I noticed that he reminded me of a couple of the extras from Braveheart (you know the type, deranged and hairy) at which point I decided to stop to tie my shoelaces and let him forge ahead as I breathed a sigh of relief…….

As we turned for home finally we were called to a halt at a check where MG issued a serious warning of the dangers we were to face on the trail…..possible body count rising into double figures if we did not watch our step carefully and place our feet only on the trail as marked and not deviate right or left. We decided either he has been watching too many of those movies where the soldiers have to pass the mine field and send the lightest one first…..or had heard of hashers who have taken to suing hares for personal injury and psychological damage and decided to cover his back.

So back at the cars the walkers had BRISKLY walked around led by LeanOver and the runners all appeared safe and sound and 10 minutes later Maddog and Can’t Get Laid appeared from the bushes panting , sweaty and with little boy grins on their faces. Leanover gave the explanation accompanied with a DIO for the boys….luckily they had not been playing ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’, but had been messing around on the children’s play equipment!

So now we got to welcome our visitors from the Edinburgh Hash , Heavenly Body was the Honey and the Harrier was RISSOLE or something like that….he spelt it twice and gave me a lecture on the meaning of his hash name but the brogue was too strong to penetrate.

We welcomed them and decided it was time for the ATHENS SHIT OF THE WEEK AWARD to go a ‘wandering to bonnie Scotland, so Kennedy’s Bitch tearfully handed on the award after adding a box of dog biscuits (go figure cos we couldn’t). They promised faithfully to send us photos of the award either in Edinburgh or as it is confiscated at customs on their way home!!

We also welcomed our Hash Virgin Noelle. She was a very good runner, refined and wore make-up, so we had to fight off the volunteers for Virgin Inspector. We will also be extremely happy but very surprised if we see her again. Especially as she had to try to keep her frozen smile in place as S4S tried out numerous ditties he had found on the internet to bolster the poor showing the AHHH has in the singing stakes.

We were very happy to see Spanish Fly again as she takes up her new role as Hash Cash and finally we found where the Penis has been hiding…….yes she had had her sticky paws on it for nearly 2 months. It was handed on with due ceremony to ……me FT so I will ensure that I do not keep it any longer than necessary……..

We re-welcomed Ivor Biggun and he most politely offered the AHHH the use of his company’s squash court…..we were all sooooooo enthused about this and started planning the use to which we could put the venue that I Biggun forgot the address of his company and said he would get back to us with the details at a later date……

One of the final DIO’s was for Men-In-Gitis for the Rhino song……lets all practice the words to embarrass him again and again as he didn’t know what a urinal was!!

HE OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON

HE OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY SHOT

HE OUGHT TO BE TIED TO A RHINO

AND LEFT THERE TO FESTER AND ROT!!

And so til next week on Aegina

ON ON

FT