FLOWERY’S FIRST BOUQUET

As I sit before my blank page I feel as if I am embarking on a voyage of discovery into unknown realms of my perfumed psyche…….whoops wrong file this is the HASH SHIT

START AGAIN

Run 3million 753 thousand seven hundred and 69

PLUS EXTRA PRACTICE FOR IRAQI DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS THE AHHH AGM

A BEACH IN RAFINA SUNDAY 26^TH SEPTEMBER

HARES STRAWBERRY FORESKIN AND SELF-SERVICE

Good planning for another fab day with the AHHH …..1^st choose the area…..’I know where would be the most inaccessible site on the PARAOLYMPIC MARATHON DAY’ says S4S to his co conspirator Self Service….yup just off Marathonas Ave, which will be closed from 6am in the morning so hashers will have the extra enjoyment of finding new and interesting routes avoiding all major tarmac roads to the start point.

This was the first occasion I remember we had to play chase the hare to the start of the Hash and we should all have had DIO’s for being late…..as not a single hasher was at the start before 11am

All going jolly well so far then……

We gathered in a sandy cove away from prying eyes to have the new detailed instructions for the options with AHHH. Runners over here, Brisk Walkers (alternatively known as Bloody Wankers) over there and Lazy Bastards follow the pushchair. We welcomed to the fold the new boots ….altho’ baby Serial Whinger didn’t actually have any boots. We had a couple of handpicked marines (why does Clit get to do all the handpicking??) and a very nice man called AS IF from Ecuador.

And off we went…..usual running in style mixture of specially chosen suburban roads, which give that fantastic echo effect as the ON ON calls bounce off the apartment blocks and GARRIGUE (look it up in the dictionary) guaranteed to give the unique scratch pattern effect on all AHHH members legs…..it enables us always to recognise fellow AHHH members in the dark dens of the regular orgies we attend.

We had a wonderful beer stop provided by Self Service who must have cloned himself to be on the run as Hash Sweeper while popping back to the start to pick up

the beer wagon…..

And onward to a spectacular cliff scramble with views from all sides of sudden death awaiting any Hasher stupid enough to take his eyes off the bum in front.

Pink Jenny made a noble attempt to qualify for the last few days of the PARAOlympics by sawing off her leg on a suitable rock but she just bled embarrassingly in the circle….

Oh dear, I promised to keep the SHIT short for those HHHs unable to maintain concentrated bursts of reading longer than ensuring the beer is still F….A……X….E

Never mind they can always sack me and get another eager volunteer to write the SHIT next time……

So to the circle….while the bbq was lit and Pubic Transport and Multiple Rocket Launcher set up base camp with an assortment of unused American command post tents, we all gathered round for our last circle with Mad Dog and S4S as JMs (sob, sob). The AGM was about to change the face of the AHHH Mis -Management Committee forever….but we will save that for later.

We had a busy circle ensuring all our good people were singled out and humiliated in best Hash Style. They will not be all named here (not enough space), but they all know who they are and that they will probably need counselling to get over the experience!!

We had 4 leavers to say goodbye to……and we roundly abused them in the following order……SNOWBALLS, COX AND BALLS, CAMEL FUCKER AND TWO MOONS RISING…..giving them there certificates and memorable photographs from their times with us….which we had scrawled abuse and bad language across.

We tried to give all our Hash Virgins DIO’s to welcome them….but one is only doing breast feeding ( that was the Marine) and the man from Ecuador had disappeared promising faithfully to return after his trip to Tirana……

We then tried to award the Penis to a deserving Honey BUT no one would admit they knew the whereabouts of the Penis and so all the Honey’s who had ever handled the Penis had to come into the circle to share the Chunder.

The SHIT OF THE WEEK was also formally handed on from Self Service, who had added a pair of orange rubber gloves (a hash wit asked whether he used them when doing his self servicing) and given to our new HASH FLASH Kennedy’s Bitch which was a relief because it stopped him lying on the floor trying to take artistic photographs of the Hash from a new angle.

And then to the serious business of the AGM…which lasted 5 minutes while Lean Over counted the votes and Clitoria, as the returning officer read out the results…..TRA LALA LALAL:LAAAAA!!

The new committee is…………MUCH THE SAME AS THE OLD COMMITTEE with a few name changes…

JOINT MASTERS POP UP AND MAD DOG

JOINT RELIGIOUS ADVISORS STRAWBERRY FORESKIN AND PLAYBOY 2

HASH CASH SPANISH FLY

HASH ORGAN (wot is that???) BEAT ME UP SCOTTIE

TRAIL RAIZER THE BOOMAKER

Then we all got pissed, had a swim, played boule (you know that poncey French game with the metal balls ), and ate everyone else’s food and Men-In –Gitis got dumped fully clothed in the sea for being a very annoying Hash Horror indeed………..