PaedopHILLia is fun!!!

An early start from the wilds of northern Athens, all the way to the sunny south. The run site was cleverly chosen and liberally sprinkled with fresh goats ***t, to ease the pack, gently into what followed. It always gives me a boost to meet Snowballs and Flowery Twat, as they invariably look in worse condition than I’m feeling.

There were so many ‘rugrats’ I thought I was at a kindergarden field trip, where do you people find them all??

The Hares gave their synopsis of the trail !!!!, but who ever believes them!!!

It went well for the 1^st 300m, and the ‘F’, as it was around the hill. Of course the real trail was ON UP the streambed and up and up and up. With the pack well spread out, some staying below cloud level, we followed the puce trail up and up and up and up to a check. Stragglers were delayed slightly by the lack of climbing equipment. Immac showed true marine spirit as he checked down the fire road, never to be seen again on trail.

The Bookmaker, Banger and Mash displayed their experience by finding the trail and leading us even further up, to what would have been a good panoramic view if my eyes had been working correctly, all I saw was a red mist as my lungs tried desperately to find oxygen in the rarified atmosphere. Eventually they cleared enough for me to locate the run site, with the toy vehicles and the ant like figure of Gobbler scurrying to secure yet another beer.

In the words of the song "What goes up, must…….." (didn’t know you were old enough to remember that one!!!). And lo it came to pass, ON DOWN was called and the scramble began, fooling the trio of FRB’s, as they’d checked up again. Confusion reigned as we found the 2^nd check after the ONN INN, so as true Hashers we ignored everything and went for the beer back at the run site.

Skirting round the issue of who stole the sun and turned on the wind, the Circle produced a clutch of klutzes in sarongs, only Constipated obeying the instructions of AHNS to wear nothing under it. They were rewarded with the Hash Chunder after the Hares got their just desserts. Now a full Chunder is something to put fear into the hardiest of Hashers, but not if you happen to follow Spume and Immac, who managed to finish it, leaving Ratarsed and Gobbler thirsty.

Mayhem ensued as Down Downs were liberally awarded for spurious crimes, to many in the Circle.

As the temperature dropped the gathering moved on to Hamish Mc Tavish Esq’s pied a terre, for prawn and champagne extravaganza.

Scribes Note : Any words or phrases you do not recognize in the above should be looked up in a dikshonry.

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Mary, an eight year old from Los Angeles, and her mother were walking through the shopping-mall one day. "Mommy," said little Mary, "How old are you?" " I can’t tell you that!" "But, why not?" retorted the child. "Well, that is something you will understand one day when you're grown-up."

"Mommy," asked Mary again, "How much do you weigh?" "Never mind," answered her mother. "Why can't you tell me?" "Because grown-ups never talk about how much they weigh. This is something you will learn and understand someday."

"Mommy," insisted the child, "Can you tell me why you and Daddy got divorced?" "Darling," responded her mother in exasperation, "That's something still very painful for Mommy, and I really just can't talk about it now."

A few days later, Mary recounted the conversation to her school-friend. The friend explained how to overcome her problems. "All you have to do is to get your Mom’s driving licence. It has all the stuff you want to know on it. So little Mary did as her friend had recommended. That night she sneaked into her mother's room while her Mom was in the kitchen. She rummaged through her purse and found her mother’s driving licence. Having looking at it carefully she walked up to her mother in the kitchen and said, "I know how old you are! You are 35!" The mother was very surprised. "And, I know how much you weigh. You weigh 156 pounds, right?" The mother was shocked. "And, I know why you and Daddy got divorced." The mother, dumbfounded by this point, asked, "Oh. Yes why is that?" "It's because you got an ‘F’ in sex."

A guy walked into a bar with an octopus. He sat the octopus down on a stool and told everyone in the bar that it was a very talented octopus and that it could play any musical instrument in the world. Everyone in the crowd laughed at him, calling him an idiot. The guy said that he would bet $50 that the octopus could play any instrument presented to him. The first person walked up with a guitar. The octopus started playing better than Jimi Hendrix. So the man paid $50. Another man walked up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man duly paid over $50. Then a Scotsman walked up with a set of bagpipes. He sat them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sat it down with a confused look. "Ha!" Jimmy canna play my pipes!", the man said. "Can't you play it?", asked its owner. The octopus looked up at him and said, "Play it? I'm going to screw it when I can work out how to get its pajamas off!"

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.......... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!"

A woman is in her doctor's office, and suddenly shouts out "Doctor, kiss me!" The Doctor looks at her and says "It's against the code of ethics to kiss you." 5 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" Again he refuses, apologetically, and says "As a doctor I simply cannot kiss you." Finally, another 5 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with her doctor; "Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!!" "Look" he says, "I am sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be screwing you".

A man rushes home and bursting through his front door, yells to his wife "Pack your bags Honey, I’ve just won the lottery! All $5 million dollars of it...Wowwee!!" "That’s great, Sweetie!", she replies. "Do I pack for the beach or the mountains?" "I don’t really care," he said, "just fuck off!!"

A seventy-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, shaking and sobbing. A young man walks by and asks him, "What seems to be the problem?" Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favourite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at supper time, and all night long, we make love." The old man breaks down, sobbing, no longer able to speak. The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?" The old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."

Harry and his wife were driving in the country when he saw a sign that said, "Cow For Sale ~ $5000." He pulled in and said to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth $5000." The farmer replied, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifted the cow's tail, and Harry saw the cow had a snatch just like a woman. Harry got back into his car, turned to his wife and said, "It's just not fair. There's a farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're not worth shit."

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red. "Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. I'm just the manager." "Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't", breathes the manager - clearly aroused, "he's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message." she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him" she says - "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."