HASH 1447 (Prime Number)
Snow Job’s Lurrrve Shack Hash
‘If you were invited back late at night to a luxury beach villa near Schinias and you ended up here, hands up if you would get back in the car and head straight for home?’
The ladies of the hash were asked this question and as many hands shot skywards SnowJob.cum searched the crowd for any sign of hesitation or any female not putting her hand up. Sadly for him the only one was Cassius, Love Bug’s dog. But will this stop him from trying? Will it heck as like.
Laying the trail had been something of an ordeal for co-hare Love Bug as she variously was arrested for entering the rowing centre, got her car bogged down, was eaten by mosquitoes, licked by frogs (?), ran out of petrol and (the greatest sacrifice that can be asked of any harriette) had to stay overnight in the ‘Lurrrve Shack’. The Athens Hash is not an easy master.
Other than attending a Catholic School I hadn’t been to many sadomasochistic events – but then I had never been on one of Love Bug’s special hashes. What could I learn? What joy would be spread? And, would it hurt?
The answers were: not much, not much and yes.
But then it was all worthwhile for the trail was run with vigour, the walks were walked with, err…, trepidation and two hours later we crawled scratched and bruised from the spike bushes. Nearing the on-in Mt Goat and S4S decided, in a suicide-pact kind of way, to jog on in together. Mt Goat then had to return to the wrath of Shag for being late for a lunch appointment.
We needed a circle to relieve ourselves and when Mad Dog had finally finished flogging off Tee shirts we began; conscious of the BBQ burning a couple of metres away.
After humiliating the hares we called for the Shit of the Week award. Not forthcoming (as we had given it away to a China hash), but Rim Job announced he had a green seat to donate. Not having brought it gave him a due down down. Next was the penis award – also missing. Jealous Bitch seems to be enjoying it so much she couldn’t be bothered to turn up. So in a (probably vain) attempt to create peer pressure amongst our dumb blonde community and reclaim the black penis from the dumb blonde withholding it - who shall be nameless, but is Gregor the Coke Dealer, Pink Jenny was given the penis award in absentia.
All this talk of shit and penises (penii ?) seemed to offend some of our visitors. Don’t know what would have happened if we had actually had them present (the awards not the visitors). Anyway, amongst others we punished the innocent and pardoned the guilty, remembering to welcome four virgins; two of whom were the spawn of Pavarotti who has returned to the hash even after we nearly killed him on his first hash with us some months ago on Immitos. Regrettably no one was wearing interesting underwear so our hopes were with the final virgin, Sue, who had made herself come. ‘Non-matching’ bra and pants was the best she could come up with at the time - but I think she has definite possibilities.
It is always good to see our froggie friends return and Elsa was back (again) even though she has remained French throughout. Knowing the free spirit which the French are born with (geddit?) her hash name is ready and awaits the right moment.
It was our intention to name Athena in a gentle way being the sweet, gentle, angelic thing we have come to know and love. But since the weather was by then warm and sunny (with two RA’s present, of course it was good) we decided ‘bollocks to it’ and gave her the full treatment. Unfortunately (for him) she insisted on sitting on another returnee's knee: Dieter.
Lot’s of suggestions but there was an obvious winning name unanimous amongst the RA’s and so henceforth Athina is know as ‘Stress Cow’. This, it must be admitted is one of our finest and surrealist names. During her baptism of beer Dieter began to realise why sitting under her was not the best position to be in even if he had been getting a lazy lob on for some minutes while she was there. Our disappointment with the virgins’ underwear was relieved by Stress Cow’s bikini being revealed through her transparent wet clothes.
Fair Cop closed the circle with a song about how it had all gone on too long and how hungry he was.
So then we had a BBQ and stuffed ourselves silly. Love Bug produced a topical quiz about the day’s hash and Stress Cow handed out chocolates to commemorate her name day. Stress Cow won the panties – what a day she was having.
Having run, drunk and dined in sunshine and style we left SnowJob.cum all lonely in his little house on the Prairie, as he hadn’t scored again.
Another Classic Athens Hash
We had the last of the Faxe and so must choose another beer on Saturday 22nd. Contact mismanagement for details.