HASH SHIT SUNDAY 23RD JANUARY
HARE sort of SHIVA
THE MAD SHIVA’S BEER
(as in the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party)
At an old stomping ground still known to AHHH as Mustang Stables….even though there has not been a horse to be seen for many a year, we gathered on a chilly but sunny Sunday to give Shiva the benefit of the doubt. Shiva is a very experienced hasher (over 250runs and attendance at Inter Hashes under her belt) but unfortunately she has been known to have a few problems in the haring department in the past…..including not turning up for her own hash on occasion.
We had a good turn out and some very pretty new boots that the boys were eyeing up (both petite blondes so even The Bookmaker was quietly plotting). We also had some very happy returnees FU Gasper and Dwarf Blower who were hugged and kissed and generally slobbered over, especially when DB mentioned she was having a birthday party but you needed to get directions and a telephone number to be able to partake in the Free Merry Making…..always a sign for AHHHers to become very sentimental and affectionate in case they got extra free booze and grub. Also Twisted Bitch and her 2 bitches had re-joined the throng.
The circle was called to order and Shiva gave a very vague description of the hash and explained the new principle of marking the Checks so that the wa*kers would be able to enjoy the same trail at their own pace……when we picked up the trail after the check the last Hasher was to rub out the section in the direction of the trail so everyone would be able to make their way round….what a good idea we all agreed and Shiva smiled and said it would work perfectly……..
And we were off in the direction waved at by Shiva up the hill (surprise surprise uphill eh?) and we shouted faithfully Loooooking loooooking…..til we spotted the blue???!!!! NOT but still we battled valiantly up the hill until about 1km from the start with a special electron microscope we found a smudge of blue…..could this be it? YES….further DNA investigation noted the trail had been laid by a blonde lady who is very partial to alternative therapies, crystal analysis and lama prophesies.
So basically we ran a trail in every direction, encouraged by Shiva, whenever we came upon her (as FRBs returned from another 2km detour in the wrong direction), telling us of a Shangri-La called BeerStop that would appear before the faithful if we made it to the top. No turning was marked, checks were part of an old religion that had fallen by the wayside and we thought about stopping for a quick go at the Ouija board to ask for otherworldly assistance. Eventually when we ran out of ideas as to which way to try next we came across A SIGN, one that the devout hasher would recognise the world over (as we know Hashing is a global religion, or pandemic as we like to be known). The clouds parted and we saw the brilliant blue of a huge F…….at least now we knew where we did NOT have to go……BUT WAIT CRIES SHIVA…..’the best thing to do’ she says ‘is run through the F because I got a bit lost AT THIS POINT…..(when has she never not been lost?) and BEERSTOP is only a few hundred yards uphill after the F…….’
So good old Shiva had saved her own bacon and in a lovely windproof hut at the top of the mountain had left a dozen beers to cool earlier and we all piled in and closed the door and had a jolly time drinking to her health. As the last beer was downed we asked her in which direction we should look to find the trail home and she glumly admitted that this was the ON INN…..we would find no more blue….but should make our own way from here (as Mountain Goat pointed out that is what we had been doing since the start), as she had got a little bit lost ????!!!!
Oh well the good news was that we stumbled across Rear Entry’s trail from 2 weeks back and managed to get home in a ragged formation, to enjoy some more beer…….but what was this, all the runners back in good order needing their car keys that had been given to the wa*kers to take care of…..but not a wa*ker to be seen…….oops those same people that had been making their way behind us to find the trail easily as we had marked all the checks (wot checks) and follow the blue(wot blue)…….So what does AHHH always do when they have lost hashers on a trail? You know the sort of thing, all for one and one for all, we never leave a man behind etc…..yes we drank some more beer and tried to see if we had enough cars to get to the taverna even if they never turned up!
Eventually of course their sense of smell (sweat mixed with beer) and hearing (the hiss of the next FAXE can being opened) allowed them to hone in and join the circle.
In the circle we punished Shiva for another 1st of setting a DIY hash but suggested next time she gives each hasher a little bottle of blue so they can set their own trail on the way round.
We formally enjoyed meeting Jessica and Matya our virgins and serenaded them with a little French ditty as Jessica was French (1 out of 2 is not bad) OU EST LE PAPIER.
Maddog gave Wee Mac the Shit of the Week for being so pissed the week before that Maddog had to drive him home…except the only bit Wee Mac could remember of his address was that it ended in A….Vrilissia, Melissia, Kifissia….all much the same eh?
Twisted Bitch also had to confess…not only had she held on to the Penis Award for several months…..but she had also held on to it too tightly and had broken its balls…..all our male hashers checked theirs automatically and TB was given a very wide berth for the rest of the circle and told to keep her hands in her pockets!
The circle was closed by Wee Mac reciting a Burns poem…which even in translation left AHHH scratching their heads and so Shiva arranged a wee Scottish dance to warm us on our way……
ON ON to AUSSIE PARTY WEEKEND and keep your didgeridoo out of reach boys if TB is anywhere around!!