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27 April 03 Run:
Hares: McT, Camel Toe & Down Down Scribe: Down Down
A DOG'S EYE VIEW
Yap! Oooh, oooh, Camel Toe get up!! I know it's only 5.15am BUT we did promise to ring Uncle Hamish at 6.45am to tell him to get his fat arse out of bed to light that barbeque (Camel Toe's words, not mine. I'm too young to even think of such profanities!) Eeek ... watch out for that puddle, Mum! Oops, too late! Ain't quite got the hang of hitting the newspaper yet (get my front paws on OK, but my back end just seems to hang over the edge!) Yap! Well, at least she's awake!! What's she saying? Something "hell". Yap!
For crying out loud! What's all that stuff she's putting in the car? A week's shopping, flour, a change of clothes? Ah ... that's more like it. The essential stuff ... my carrier, doggie box, water bowl, kokoretsi ... yap!!!
Whizz round to McT's (wheee!) and out of the car (pee stop), and up in the lift ... and STRAIGHT into the kitchen to the spot where he dropped me all those bits of meat yesterday when me Mum wasn't looking ... and, and, yap! Nothing?? (Hmm! Must remember to get him back later. Crap in his spare pair of training shoes or something! Yap!! And I know where they are, too!) Where is he? (Run round the house, sniff, sniff, sniff!) Ah, I can smell him now. Not hard, is it? I'm quite getting the hang of this being a gun dog thing. There he is - on the balcony, busy standing over the metal thing to set fire to the black stuff. He thinks he looks clever in front of me Mum. Just listen to him. You do it like this, then you do it like that. Yada, yada, yada. Eeeek!! Look what they did to that lamb!! I wonder what it did wrong? Maybe it missed the newspaper, too. Maybe they'll do that to me if I crap in McT's training shoes! On second thoughts, I'll just leave them as they are!! Nice training shoes. Good training shoes.
What? Who said that? "We're off to set the trail?" What trail?? I walked for almost one hour non-stop last night and now she wants me to do it again? What am I? A dog? (Well, OK, but I'm just a little one!) Wonder what'll happen if I just curl up here on this nice rug and pretend to be asleep? After all, it's nearly time for my first nap. Nope. Nothin' doin'. But it was worth a try. Well, when she tries to put that lead thingy on me, I'm just gonna park my ass in the middle of the road and see what she does then. Ha. Seems we're on a schedule. That means she's got to pick me up and carry me. The world looks great from up here. Boooooobs! Guess I can get that sleep now. Zzzzzzz.
Back again. So soon? (Pee stop. Oops, in the middle of the floor). Who's that they're waving to down there? Pop Up? And does he?? There's more. Banger, Mash (hey, great names - food! Yap!), Delhi Boy (yuk, sounds like a curry!) and two nice little people with him, slurp, lick, wag, wag. Ooh, ooh (wag harder) ... here's Pamela Two Dogs ... "thank you Pamela for finding me in that box a couple of weeks ago!" Big lick!! Haven't I grown in a week? What do ya think? Hey, Melon, Babe ... look at me ... nyer, nyer, nyer, nyer, nyer (kissy, kissy Pamela Two Dogs ... put it right here ... slurp!)
Hey! Where'd everybody go? There I was, enjoying having my tummy tickled and they all disappeared. All except those that are still looking at the metal thing on the balcony. Oh, well. I'll just hang around here in between their feet while McT and Triple Sex do strange things to that lamb. Poor thing. Still. It's beginning to smell nice. Time for another pee and then some sleep? Zzzzzzz. (Well it's hard work when you're trying to grow!)
Yap! What're they up to now? Hmmm. Very strange! They look as though they're about start something, and then they stop again. Who's missing? Pamela Two Dogs?? On, no! Banger and Mash and me Mum are off out to find her. Thank God she's decided to leave me here. We'll be back in a minute they said. OK, then. Fifteen minutes. OK, then ... will someone hurry up and find her, 'cos that poor lamb is beginning to smell real good and we can't start eating it until someone pulls their finger out! Hey ... here she is! Now where are the others?
What? You saw the sea and went for a swim? Great idea. Better than running, any day! I'll come with you next time. Yap! Great ... here are the others ... back at last! So when're we gonna get the lamb? What're you all doing now standing in a circle? 'Fraid ya'll will get lost again or something? Even I know 15 people can't get lost in one room.
"Down, down, down, down ... down, down, down, down" ... Reckon I could learn the words to that song pretty quickly then! Hey, I like that Playboy 2. He's grrr...eat! He keeps calling people to heal in the middle of this circle thingy and makes them drink beer! Yap!! Cool dude! Well wha' d' ya know? It's my turn. Come on Mum. It's me! What? A christening? ... Hmmm ... not sure I like the sound of that ... ooh, isn't he nice? I could get christened every day of the week! Beer straight off his fingers. Someone peel me a grape. Slurp, lick, mmm. "Down, Down"? So that's my new name ... How original! I've only just gotten used to this "Ebony" thing she keeps calling to me ... flamin' heck ... six weeks old and I've got two names to remember! Yap!! But if it means he'll let me keep licking beer off his fingers I reckon I could get used to it. Yap, yap!!
NOW, pleeeeze can we have some of that lamb? What? It's still not ready? Whimper! Oh, wait, Mash is coming to the rescue. Good job Banger brought him with her. Are they a team or what? He sure knows what to do to with a sheep. Must be Greek. Or Welsh.
At last! All I have to do now is make sure I get around everyone without me Mum seeing me, flash my hungry puppy dog eyes, and I reckon I'll have them eating out my hands ... and vice-versa!! Yummy, yummy. Here goes ...! Yep, that worked! Don't you know that Labradors are just pigs in disguise? Bliss!!!
THE END! YAP!!