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SPECIAL NOTE: Two reports for the same hash run ( S4S and following, Clitoria)

Run: 1227   Date: 30 Sept   Venue: Schinias Beach   Hare: Flying Sausage, Two Lips, Jurassic period  Scribe: Strawberry Foreskin


Life's a Beach

"Oh, I've had enough of this." Said 'Flowery Twat' as she dropped her knickers, revealing why the Hash had been right not to name her 'Shaven Twat'.

'Sweet Pee' got away lightly; there were more disgraceful suggestions for her name, none of which should be repeated, ever. All Head, No Shaft "sang" her a birthday song, the likes of which we have not heard before (or would ever like to hear again).

Third was a long-time unnamed hasher who now enjoys the sobriquet, 'Ram-Pants', I wonder if this has anything to do with her (obviously extensively researched) Field Guide to Greek Men?

Namings over, we were able to punish 'Slasher' who was so-called a couple of weeks previous after walking through a glass wall and needed thirty stitches in his arm. The dressing now removed it was revealed that he had in fact had only thirteen stitches. Looking for a sympathy fuck, obviously. And why did nobody want to eat S4S's banana, which he had carefully pre-warmed?

Mountain Goat suffered a serious sense-of-humour-failure when (the as-yet unnamed) Halima danced on his car roof denting his carefully polished steelwork, and Halima's friend, hash-virgin, Hilda took all of two seconds to be persuaded to give us a belly dance. Mislaid enjoyed (?) a dancing lesson in the GM's particular style, and Playboy 2 caught up on his knowledge of the Harriettes who had joined during his exile on the prison Isle of Skopelos.

Clitoria, with LillyWhite on a lead, was strangely quiet, barely acknowledging, groping or sitting on the face of Parson's Nose, a new male arrival from London City Hash, but All Head, No Shaft (our only hasher with a comma in his name?) snatched some photo's of some snatches (bribes not to publish on our web site by return, please).

Zeta (Greek girl, nice arse- yeah, that one!) brought her sister - who was visibly impressed, and Two Lips ran the Barbecue on which Halima burned the belly she was later to dance with. Wine flowed like… er, well wine, really, and Lean Over got completely blotto (Okay, I made that bit up). Meanwhile Jurassic Period reached 75 runs and was therefore awarded her 50-Run-Mug. Oopah was leaving us, yet again, and so was also given his 'name' mug. Spume returned from his world tour bringing Golden Showers and brats back into circulation. Mislaid complained her 25-run mug didn't have her name on it. We had to explain she has to wait for 50 runs for this; dozey frog.

Some bloke called Chicken Stock appeared with a tart called Jane (what kind of a Hash name is Jane?) and claimed to be an ex-GM, but wimped out and buggered off without running or even waiting for a beer. Still at least Hamish got a thousand Drach's out of him. Can't remember much more, it all went a bit blurry……

As hashes go, it was a disgraceful, drunken, lecherous debacle, awash with alcohol, frontal nudity, dancing, sunshine, swimming, music and food. One of the best, in fact.

Oh, yes. We had a run, too: Although a little short, the run generally met with approval.

Didn't quite understand who set the trail. Flying Sausage claimed credit (accepted blame) for both the walker's and runner's trails, but then this was the Hash-which-passeth-all-understanding. On On On On On On On On On On

Run: 1227   Date: 30 Sept   Venue: Schinia    Hare: Two Lips, Flying Sausage, Jurassic Period Scribe: The one and only 'Clitoria'



The weather was good, the beach was shitty, the run was rocky but thankfully short, nothing uneventful or untoward happened UNTIL THE CIRCLE. - - - - - - - - da de da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..

The normal things occurred - copious amounts of alcohol were consumed, people were abused physically, s*xually and mentally (for those with brains). DIO's were licentiously given without any inklin of logical criteria or aforethought (so what's new), amongst the multitudinous infamous were:

{}the Hares for doing absolutely nothing to titivate our run-buds.

{}New Boots: Parson's Nose from London (he comes all this way to Greece and wastes his time on a Sunday morning with us - what a sad b*stard)

{}Virgins: corrrrr there were absolutely loads of them - all made to come by some unthinking Hasher with a vindictive streak (?) - ALSO see what the smell of a BBQ does?

{}Oopah & Clitoria (thoughtless ravaging of Oopah's bodily parts by some female - well of course it wasn't me darling but they needed a scapegoat and, well, you know there was no-one else to take the can…. Phew!

{}All head and No Shaft - can't remember what for but he looked daft in that skirt so it serves him right.. AND he wasn't wearing anything underneath as he showed us later not that we noticed anything noticeable (hence the name I would suggest…).

The RA was in grand form thirsting for christenings:

Chloe (offshoot of Dirty and Hairy) became : Sweet Pee

Demure and body conscious Wendy became: Flowery Tw*t.

Max the canine's human keeper Pamela became : Ram Pants

Everyone then headed into the brown slimy sludge to try and swim before lunch.

Gin and Tonics were served, some cultured people preferred Pimms.

The smoked Scottish salmon was delicious as were the cucumber and mint sandwiches.

A rowdy group in the corner decided to have a belly dancing competition which was won by Strawberry Foreskin - not for the dancing but for the size of the belly. Halima was a slave to the rhythm of the music and as she swayed and undulated went into an hypnotic state believing MG's little vehicle to be a sardine can and she proceeded to try to open the top with her delicate military boots. WHY was MG pissed off - I mean it's beyond me. Oh, and the day ended insignificantly enough with Flower Tw*t stripping naked.

** Photos are available from All Head and No shaft - but don't bother spending your money they'll soon be on the Internet for everyone to admire.